Friday, June 17, 2005

ohhh... so tired...

*weary smile*, tiredness beginning to kick in... body is aching, and eyes are dry. But thanks to Josh who sent me the song "Blessed be Your Name", I've been able to draw my strength from Him.

Whilst the song "Beautiful One" adores God, "Blessed be Your Name" speaks about being firm and unwavering in our recognition of God, when things are as they should be, or when things seem bleak and dark.

In the last few days, I have stood there, feeling sometimes so alone, so helpless, and yet being able to be so secure because I know my God is good.


"When the darkness closes in Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name"



I have a natural tendency to repress things - when I hear bad news, my natural instinct is to try and push it down as far as I can inside of me, smile and say it'll be ok... which is why my current playlist is so cool.

"Blessed be Your Name" helps me deal with where I really am... it helps me to accept the times when I'm not in a good way, bringing me to a place of brokenness, a place where I can stop trying to keep everything in the air, and let it all just fall to the ground.

Then I lose myself in "Cry Holy", which brings me to a place where I can focus not on me, but on Him, crescendo'ing on "Beautiful One".

And at the end I come away with a mix of awareness, at the the reality of my situation, peace (at the re-affirmation of who my God is) and a hope that is based on something that isn't just wishful thinking :D

I'm the last to claim any semblance of extra special wisdom within me - so please, don't get the wrong idea, I'm not preaching... but just sharing bits of me :)

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