nate wears prada...

I decided to something tonight that I hadn't done in a long, long while.

I decided to go see a movie, by myself.

With 3 hours of sleep, having been up completing a 2000 word assignment, and having been on-the-go from 7:30am-6:30pm, I was quite utterly exhausted.

All the way to the cinema I kept second guessing myself, arguments such as "you don't have that much money to spend already and on top of that you're going to need to find a job soon", "it's not that great a movie, why bother", "why not have a quiet, cheap night @ home, you're going to be too tired to enjoy it anyways" playing over and over in my head, I got to the ticket box and bought a single ticket to The Devil wears Prada.

I walked home again, eating greasy fast food and talking on the phone to Nigel about something or rather to do with wines (at this point I had little cognitive faculty to fully process the conversation really), sat down @ home for 15mins before heading back out :S

I settled into the cinema seat, squished in between people, not even having the solace of space to rest comfortably in, with a girl on the right playing loudly on her phone and the people on my left looking disapprovingly at her. Even the previews weren't that great (I mean, Santa Clause 3?!), and it's usually a part of the experience I relish. The movie started soon after, and the starting sequence was fairly straight forward - a large chunk of it composes the trailer I had seen after all.

But there's something about a good movie that will just blind me to the harsh realities I've become accustomed to dealing with (and living in!!) everyday, and it's really quite annoying :S

I found myself grudgingly evolving from smiling, to chuckling, to laughing @ comedic junctures, and... feeling.

A girl that I could be with, and that could be with me, doesn't exist I still maintain, doesn't exist, the realist within cries out.

But in every halfway decent romantic movie, I find myself inevitably falling in love with the hope of one. The magic of that intangible, or what some may simply call chemistry, that renders that someone else into someone transcendent.

For most, romantic comedies are something to stay away from, especially when still fresh from relationship failure, but for myself I find them completely and utterly necessary – they simply restore my faith and my hope, in love.

Whilst there mightn’t be a girl out there for me, I still walked home a little warmer, and a little fuzzier on the inside – being in love, with the idea of being in love, is something I’m ok with being right now :)


P.S. Oh, and Frank Walker from National Tiles came into lunch today...

which one is the most beautiful dictator of u/seed...

a visual experiment that i've wanted to do since the bolt article :P

kim jong il vs
mark pierson

and finally, today

with barely any sleep last night (not for lack of trying, I just couldn't drift off :(), I woke up for cook duty today... which we thought we had under control... until we got to lunch time and found that the ovens hadn't been on :'( It kinda worked out though, we sorta got the people that were still there fed @ about 12:30ish :P

after which i had jackson duty, the five (?) year old of a couple that come into lunch... and we went for a walk, down to the riverside and down to the playground by the yarra behind fed square i never knew existed... and so for a couple of hours, in a day that got sunnier and sunnier, i got to be a big brother...


and now, after staff drinks, will be heading down to luke's friends place for his bucks bbq!! great company, team america the movie, and a bbq... what more could you ask for :D

thurs in passing...

i pretty much got almost everything done that i'd wanted to - applied for a job (not sure if i'll even get to interview stage, but eh, i figure @ least applying for 1 would make my parents happy :P), worked some details out for a group assignment, did my tax return (no money owed, no money returned, I'm pretty happy with that result :)), e-mailed the agency about how what the deal of working in japan is...

wed in passing...

the surreal part of wed came from the u/seed strategy meeting @ PWC, Southbank... here we rocked up, this motley crew in the midst of almost the epitome of corporate-ness, getting stuck in the rotating door and playing with our passes that allowed us to pass through the glass entry barriers...

... which led to the elevator we took to go to the 19th floor on which we were in one of their fancy, fancy corporate boardrooms and super comfy big chairs with a specatular view for a meeting with their foundation person :S

it was so surreal to be fully emersed in one environment (central house) and then go across a bridge to be submerged in a diametrically opposed version!

the presentation was really slick, the muffins were to die for, and we left the bottled drink bowl quite empty...

tues in passing...

tues was the usual h/core day, starting with up @ 8am for admin - but then it changed! as it was common work day, normal credo lunch was closed and we spent the day fixing up the place, a working bee of sorts, and it was the best way to spend the day. I was outside, painting the laneway in my daggy shorts and my old trinity top in the warmish day, and it was brilliant :D

went to staff prayers and then into a final group uni presentation, and after another ~2 hours that was uni classes done for... ever???

went to see Little Miss Sunshine after that @ the Rivoli with Vee, which was just the best way to finish that day - the movie is simply great (most definitely go see it), @ my favourite cinema and the company I was with had no equal :)

times in passing...

... hmm... what's been going on in my life...

last Friday night JEvermoreny came on a bible walk, then had Hui's housewarming the next Saturday night, crashed @ parents home that night and finally found myself back @ home Sunday arvo...

i work for north korea...

andrew bolt wrote the most bizar article last friday that drew parallels between north korea and u/seed :S

marcus (he'll be taking the jevermoreny walk this fri) then wrote a response on his own blog

they're a bit of a read, especially the response, but I found them well worth while, if only to reaffirm with Marcus's response why I do what I do :P

and, if you're keen, here's one I found in my online travels, an interesting article contrasting Christian right and left, using Kevin Rudd and Bolt's articles (in response to Rudd) as a basis

"providence"

It might have been “providence”, the word she used only a few days before, that I wrote and experienced that last post... for last night I received a formal “no” answer to what had been a few months period of waiting.

Even in light of the last post, I still felt incredibly sad. The last couple of months had been something in my life that had been amazingly light-bringing to me and incredibly positive, and to have to let something like that go is still harder than the pre-awareness I had could shield me from.

It took me a couple of moments to come to terms with the possibility a couple of days ago, but when it actually happened, it just hurt... still does.

Wasn’t going to be able to get much sleep anyways, so I woke up early, went through a full set of exercises and got through a lot of personal banking/admin and then went down to lunch... and it was ok... had been wondering if I should go for cricket training today... or if I would use that time to hide away from the world where I could...

But I decided to go... and I took part more than I’d ever done before... I bowled, I batted and fielded... and in the sun, as I continued to live life as full as I could @ every moment, the memories of the night started to fade away... phone calls from/to my closest friends started to reveal life’s goodness to me again, and later on, after hip hop class, when I see my friends again, I will be almost whole again

I AM a little irritated... before this all happened, I was happy being single!! I wasn’t looking for a relationship, and had been fine with the idea just being me!! Having your heart handed back to you sucks, and I’m almost stubbornly going to strive now to never have to give it to anyone... to be ok with me, and just me. It’s so much safer... and less painful...

At the end of the day, I failed forward, and I’ll get up, dust my heart off, and keep walking. I took the risk, it didn’t come off, but that’s ok, it really will be. Somewhere out there, there might be someone on Earth that might somehow love me for who I am, but until that day, I’m still more than satisfied chasing the someone in heaven that’s done that since the day I came into this world :)

He gives... and takes away...

I always espouse the beauty of tragedy... of season changes... to those who happen into unfortunate conversation with me :)

About the fact that the realisation of the finite nature of things, like the shortness of good weather... of a special day... or a special period in life... special friends and of special relationships... of life... lends a tinge of especially significant beauty to each

A sequence of events today gave me a bit of a heart check - and whilst I know I might be analysing things maybe a bit too much, the place it led me to is one I want to be at

The possibility of new relationship had been something growing for awhile now, and today I was hit with some very real signs that it might not be

Momentary sadness, but almost immediate, overwhelming peace with where I am, and who I am in my God came to me... and I was content :)

Who knows how things will turn out, I'm not even bold enough to predict that I'll be around to see the next day, but I love being in a place where I can reaffirm the primary orientation of my heart as my Father, and that even in light of expected loss, I can still be joyful in the life He gives me

marking time...

I've been lucky enough this week to have been able to use some annual leave at my parents place... came down on Tuesday arvo and have been here since :)

I'd been trying to figure out in terms of uni work and logistics if it was better to be in the city or to be here, but thanks to Raylene's insistent booting, I decided to come out here, and the brief, brief respite of these last couple of days have been amazingly refreshing :D

The chance to spend a weekday(!!) afternoon watching a kids 3D movie and eating chips in the sun @ knox... the time to spend a balmy spring night on a BBQ and laying out on play equipment... the time to sit and eat ice cream in front of the supermarket late, on a weeknight... and the time to just be, with some of my closest friends and family?

Priceless :D

Seizing a day :)

I was watching the Fellowship of the Ring last night, and came across the bit when Frodo was ruing to Gandalf having to be alive during such ominous times

Frodo: I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.

Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.

As much as this came from a cornball fantasy movie, that simple truth spoke to me in the wake of rememberance, in respects to my last post

Today I woke up, cleaned the laneway and the garage, had a fantastic outdoor bbq in the laneway with great company and then drove out to cricket training in a full, rickety car, came back and went for a bread run, came back and went to hip hop class, and am now back @ u/seed resolved to do at least 750 words on my assignment before I eat tea... all this done before 8pm...

I feel tired, but in such a good way, and no matter which way I look at it, I've seized today

Yup, I'm Frodo Baggins :P I'm still alive, for whatever reason that may be, and with every minute that I'm blessed with, I'm going to be resolved to be busy making the most of each one

Guess that means I should stop blogging now and start typing assignment words :P

Time... to go home

I've just come from Ps Teoh's funeral, picking up my things to head back into the city - it's time... to go home

And I'm upset. With myself, and if I'm honest, a bit with God

I mean, what the hell?! I never got to know Ps Teoh or his family that well being in different congregations, so I have no right to feel as sad as I do. I have no right to be crying over a man I barely knew, and for a family I never made an effort to get to know

What the HELL gives me the right to live this long?! WHY am I still here, when Gene has to go, when Ps Teoh is called back... when they had still so much good stuff to live. I don't have any kids that I actually treasure, I've already lived a blessed life...

In the last 7 days I got to be in someone's bridal party, I got to see a beautiful baptism - why the HELL am I so blessed

Why... why... why am I still crying... what right do I have... to cry

If someone comments to this post with a Christian cliche, I will so get angry - don't