was going to chronicle the rest of last week in this post, but when I started typing, I realised I just don't feel like it :(
Am sour, angry and a little bitter... I think that's 95% me needing sleep, and lots of it, but also partly cuz, for those who have been following, as of last night I ain't a 'quasi' anymore.
So that sux (maybe in more ways that one), but to boot, my change from that transaction was 4hrs sleep...
... bleh.
Monday, October 31, 2005
sometimes the only thing to look forward to, is home
...where home could be wherever your family is, or maybe for you it could be heaven.
I love my family, but right now I'm just looking out for heaven...
Rough w/end? Not really, moreover a rough Sunday night...
I love my family, but right now I'm just looking out for heaven...
Rough w/end? Not really, moreover a rough Sunday night...
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
oh, and mikey...
there's something wrong with that "alien" comment on your last post... screws up the pc @ rmit, so I couldn't comment!!
What I would have said was...
"Dude, that's so hard gay... you're blogging about frolicking in the sun and amongst the grass??? :P I'd like to introduce to a friend of mine... his name's "MAX"..."
Of course I'd be so bagging myself too, as I am a big fan of "perfect days" too :D
What I would have said was...
"Dude, that's so hard gay... you're blogging about frolicking in the sun and amongst the grass??? :P I'd like to introduce to a friend of mine... his name's "MAX"..."
Of course I'd be so bagging myself too, as I am a big fan of "perfect days" too :D
experiences so far
day one started obscenely early... was outside Urban Seed @ 9am where Karen (one of the resi's) took me through the building and gave me a tour, met some of the people. @ 11am we started preparation for the lunches, which involves cooking a complete meal for heaps of people :S Then there's prayer/reflection @ 11:45am.
Then everyone comes in for lunch @ 12-1:30, cleanup (which is even more h/core than cooking :S) @ 1:30pm till about 2:30pm, then there's a few meetings for the staff and volunteers, just to check in, make sure everyone's alive etc. I think the day eventually ends @ about 5:30pm... and that's day one...
for day two, the day started @ 8am, where me and Virginia (one of the part-timers) went to queen vic to pick up fresh produce for these cafe lunches. Even though it was early as, it was fun... market is much more fun than your average suburbian supermarket! Got an insane amount of food, trundled all the way back in time for lunch prep, prayer/reflection, lunch and cleanup... after which I sat in on the bible study (1:30~2:30), then that was my day :)
Then everyone comes in for lunch @ 12-1:30, cleanup (which is even more h/core than cooking :S) @ 1:30pm till about 2:30pm, then there's a few meetings for the staff and volunteers, just to check in, make sure everyone's alive etc. I think the day eventually ends @ about 5:30pm... and that's day one...
for day two, the day started @ 8am, where me and Virginia (one of the part-timers) went to queen vic to pick up fresh produce for these cafe lunches. Even though it was early as, it was fun... market is much more fun than your average suburbian supermarket! Got an insane amount of food, trundled all the way back in time for lunch prep, prayer/reflection, lunch and cleanup... after which I sat in on the bible study (1:30~2:30), then that was my day :)
day 2, part 2...
and so where does nate fit in...?
"resi's"
well the resi's actually live on site and help run the cafe (cook, clean, create quality relationships), run a program each (i.e. camping trip, cricket team, bible study, alternatively take a reflection).
so nate is...
... ever since the surrender conference (jackie pullinger), where I first heard about Urban Seed, it's been on my heart to be involved in some social/community work.
I followed it up, and I thought I'd a apply for a resi position for 2006. The program co-ordinator encouraged me to come down and check it out, so they could also check me out, and so here I am from Mon-Wed - I wish I could stay longer, but given that I'd taken a few days off already in the last two weeks, it's truly God-blessed that I was allowed these additional three days off! Got approval for them just last friday, immediately called the urban seed guy and well, here I am :)
This couple of days are part of my application... if they're ok with me, then I have to go through an interview, and if I get in, I start Jan 1 - Dec 24.
"resi's"
well the resi's actually live on site and help run the cafe (cook, clean, create quality relationships), run a program each (i.e. camping trip, cricket team, bible study, alternatively take a reflection).
so nate is...
... ever since the surrender conference (jackie pullinger), where I first heard about Urban Seed, it's been on my heart to be involved in some social/community work.
I followed it up, and I thought I'd a apply for a resi position for 2006. The program co-ordinator encouraged me to come down and check it out, so they could also check me out, and so here I am from Mon-Wed - I wish I could stay longer, but given that I'd taken a few days off already in the last two weeks, it's truly God-blessed that I was allowed these additional three days off! Got approval for them just last friday, immediately called the urban seed guy and well, here I am :)
This couple of days are part of my application... if they're ok with me, then I have to go through an interview, and if I get in, I start Jan 1 - Dec 24.
day 2...
didn't have much time to go into detail yesterday, as I was mega-tired... I ended up sleeping from 6:30pm-7:45am...
what's urban seed? what's a 'residential' or 'resi'?
well what Urban Seed do, is run programs for the marginelised.
And who are the marginelised?
Well, that includes everyone from the homeless, the umemployed, druggies (for lack of a better term)... examples are those who shoot up in the laneway (which is just behind the place), those in the yellow vests in the city that sell those "Big Issue" mags, those that are on a disability pension (i.e. schizophrenia (I think that's how you spell it), met two really nice guys that are affected by it).
"programs"???
The main one would be the "credo cafe". Lunchtimes (currently Mon-Thurs), from 12pm-1:30pm, the doors to the cafe open for a free lunch, and some company :)
Before which there's 15mins prayer and a reflection.
After lunch there's a bible study for the same crowd on Tuesdays, today we did the passage about the various parts in the body of Christ, and importance. Also, a bunch of lawyers came in for lunch today to give free legal advice to those who wanted it.
Wednesday there's a forum on advocacy. They also organise sports events so that they can be involved (there's a credo cricket team (7 ducks last weekend :S)), camping trips, womens groups, etc...
what's urban seed? what's a 'residential' or 'resi'?
well what Urban Seed do, is run programs for the marginelised.
And who are the marginelised?
Well, that includes everyone from the homeless, the umemployed, druggies (for lack of a better term)... examples are those who shoot up in the laneway (which is just behind the place), those in the yellow vests in the city that sell those "Big Issue" mags, those that are on a disability pension (i.e. schizophrenia (I think that's how you spell it), met two really nice guys that are affected by it).
"programs"???
The main one would be the "credo cafe". Lunchtimes (currently Mon-Thurs), from 12pm-1:30pm, the doors to the cafe open for a free lunch, and some company :)
Before which there's 15mins prayer and a reflection.
After lunch there's a bible study for the same crowd on Tuesdays, today we did the passage about the various parts in the body of Christ, and importance. Also, a bunch of lawyers came in for lunch today to give free legal advice to those who wanted it.
Wednesday there's a forum on advocacy. They also organise sports events so that they can be involved (there's a credo cricket team (7 ducks last weekend :S)), camping trips, womens groups, etc...
Monday, October 24, 2005
hellooooo from the city...
so, here's day one of urban seed :)
am blogging from the RMIT building which is ridiculously close to Urban Seed... it's like the next street across, and there's even an alley way that allows me not to have to walk around that single block :P
what am I doing in the city? well, it's my trial run/interview for the residential program I'm thinking about doing next year... the place really, really stretches you, and it's only been... not even my first day!!
One image to illustrate a bit of perspective though...
there's a cafe @ the top-end of collins st which donates bread to the organisation. Cuz the other resi's (residentials) were in a meeting, I volunteered to go on the "bread-run" by myself. So there I was, dressed down and in my beanie, pushing this trolley, through arguably THE most upmarket part of town - walking past people in full designer suits that probably cost more than my car, past shop after shop in which you have to make appointments to enter, brands @ which many aspire to. Walking past all these power dressers, supremely confident executives, pushing my white trolley, which on the way back, was full of bread :)
am blogging from the RMIT building which is ridiculously close to Urban Seed... it's like the next street across, and there's even an alley way that allows me not to have to walk around that single block :P
what am I doing in the city? well, it's my trial run/interview for the residential program I'm thinking about doing next year... the place really, really stretches you, and it's only been... not even my first day!!
One image to illustrate a bit of perspective though...
there's a cafe @ the top-end of collins st which donates bread to the organisation. Cuz the other resi's (residentials) were in a meeting, I volunteered to go on the "bread-run" by myself. So there I was, dressed down and in my beanie, pushing this trolley, through arguably THE most upmarket part of town - walking past people in full designer suits that probably cost more than my car, past shop after shop in which you have to make appointments to enter, brands @ which many aspire to. Walking past all these power dressers, supremely confident executives, pushing my white trolley, which on the way back, was full of bread :)
Friday, October 21, 2005
bleh...
to deb, ange, aloysius and mikey... sorry for being such a sour puss tonight :(
No, I really sucked... I can't believe I fell into the trap and talked 'shop', theory and intellectual. I talked about people I didn't really care about, topics I should pray for patience and grace for instead of moaning and bitching, and wasted the time that I had with people I'd been waiting all week to see.
I'm glad I got to learn a bit more about mikey's carpentery life, and al's aversion to horror movies, but I ended up talking way too much, too often, too much about myself, and about things that mean a lot less to me than learning more about my friends.
bleh...
No, I really sucked... I can't believe I fell into the trap and talked 'shop', theory and intellectual. I talked about people I didn't really care about, topics I should pray for patience and grace for instead of moaning and bitching, and wasted the time that I had with people I'd been waiting all week to see.
I'm glad I got to learn a bit more about mikey's carpentery life, and al's aversion to horror movies, but I ended up talking way too much, too often, too much about myself, and about things that mean a lot less to me than learning more about my friends.
bleh...
Saturday, October 15, 2005
still not sure...
Today was the first public viewing for Gene.
I didn't quite know what to expect, only having gone to my grandfather's.
It broke me. Overwhelming grief at a little brother gone, guilt that I hadn't been a better friend after we had gone through so much together...
I cried when I saw him, but I sobbed when I talked to the family. When they started to speak fondly of the past, where I had taken Gene under my wing, for what I wonder was too short a time... wracked with guilt that I hadn't done enough for him... to reach him when I saw him drifting away.
Embarressed that they were now fine, and having to console me.
I have all these emotions that I'm still trying to keep in check, not sure, of what to make of them, not sure of what to do with them.
Gene, I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry. You were such a great guy, and such a great brother, and I'm sorry that I didn't make more time for you, that I didn't... *tearing*... I'm sorry...
jack, gene & nate
I didn't quite know what to expect, only having gone to my grandfather's.
It broke me. Overwhelming grief at a little brother gone, guilt that I hadn't been a better friend after we had gone through so much together...
I cried when I saw him, but I sobbed when I talked to the family. When they started to speak fondly of the past, where I had taken Gene under my wing, for what I wonder was too short a time... wracked with guilt that I hadn't done enough for him... to reach him when I saw him drifting away.
Embarressed that they were now fine, and having to console me.
I have all these emotions that I'm still trying to keep in check, not sure, of what to make of them, not sure of what to do with them.
Gene, I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry. You were such a great guy, and such a great brother, and I'm sorry that I didn't make more time for you, that I didn't... *tearing*... I'm sorry...
jack, gene & natea quick shout to my friends :)
Firstly, darius, happy birthday :) You young 20yr old you :P
To the bloggies (I don't care what you think we're all called, it's one word versus typing out two :P): I love you guys heaps, for somehow knowing better than anyone else what I'm going through, and what I need.
Thank you... so much.
To the bloggies (I don't care what you think we're all called, it's one word versus typing out two :P): I love you guys heaps, for somehow knowing better than anyone else what I'm going through, and what I need.
Thank you... so much.
Friday, October 14, 2005
not sure what to say
most of you would know by now that this week for me has been one of the worst I've ever had... even now I'm still coming to grips with the loss. And I will post about it, when I've had time to reflect a little more...
But for now, as we enter this w/end, here's something a little more positive :)
My baby sis Jo graduated last night, although it was a rather muted occasion for us, given recent events.
But inspite of it all, it was a fun night. Actually, maybe it was because of it all, bringing a deeper appreciation of family.
I'm not sure, but tip your hat to the new graduand, and I hope you all have a great, great w/end (make sure you're outside!! the weather will be awesome!).
But for now, as we enter this w/end, here's something a little more positive :)
My baby sis Jo graduated last night, although it was a rather muted occasion for us, given recent events.
But inspite of it all, it was a fun night. Actually, maybe it was because of it all, bringing a deeper appreciation of family.
I'm not sure, but tip your hat to the new graduand, and I hope you all have a great, great w/end (make sure you're outside!! the weather will be awesome!).
Monday, October 10, 2005
day in the sun :)
here's another spin on a post title that I've used before...
I spent Sunday day having an awesome time with a really special person to me, when @ one point (eating a huge greasy burger @ St Kilda) I paused and I started to worry about the future, about whether this was sustainable, if it was real, if it will even be possible next year and if this was, as Mikey might have been referring to previously, as "false hope"...
I've found a knit of friends, that on appearances have nothing in common, but when we start to dig deeper, we share so much in common, and I'm beginning to really, really treasure them. And then the question comes up... next year... my plans... had I found them, only to lose them in a few months time?
If I've learnt anything in the last few months, it's to cherish the moments I have now, for now. To not hold onto them for any longer than I was supposed to, and to not live to preserve them in my future...
Only God knows how the future will unfold for each of us, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
I wish I could say I always felt so stoic, and knew that truth always, but there are times when I freak out a little...
... and He waits while I anxiety attack for abit... yell and scream (figuratively) for abit... run around headlessly... for a lot.
He waits.
... waits, until I finally stop being so stubborn...
... waits, until my words finally trail off...
... waits, until broken, I'm reaching out, and all I want, is my Father...
And then He takes my hand.
He picks me up.
And helps me to realise that there's this journey I'm on, that I've still got so far to go.
I spent Sunday day having an awesome time with a really special person to me, when @ one point (eating a huge greasy burger @ St Kilda) I paused and I started to worry about the future, about whether this was sustainable, if it was real, if it will even be possible next year and if this was, as Mikey might have been referring to previously, as "false hope"...
I've found a knit of friends, that on appearances have nothing in common, but when we start to dig deeper, we share so much in common, and I'm beginning to really, really treasure them. And then the question comes up... next year... my plans... had I found them, only to lose them in a few months time?
If I've learnt anything in the last few months, it's to cherish the moments I have now, for now. To not hold onto them for any longer than I was supposed to, and to not live to preserve them in my future...
Only God knows how the future will unfold for each of us, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
I wish I could say I always felt so stoic, and knew that truth always, but there are times when I freak out a little...
... and He waits while I anxiety attack for abit... yell and scream (figuratively) for abit... run around headlessly... for a lot.
He waits.
... waits, until I finally stop being so stubborn...
... waits, until my words finally trail off...
... waits, until broken, I'm reaching out, and all I want, is my Father...
And then He takes my hand.
He picks me up.
And helps me to realise that there's this journey I'm on, that I've still got so far to go.
hehehe...
... after that "little boys" post, I'd been waiting all day for uniki to finally realise what had happened... it's REVENGE... for all the head poking!!
Saturday night was uniki's dad's 50th, a surprise, family doo-da, in which I went as part of the "Leung" family :P You know, one of those dinners where you are constantly referred to as so-and-so's son, rather than your own name...
Was pretty fun, a packed house and there were fun people there :D
Afterwards we adjourned to GJeans for some hot choc goodness, and to explain the middle pic, well, Wes was learning how to "buff" his nails - that's right, make his nails shiny. In a word? Wes was being HARDGAY... buahahhahahha...
Saturday night was uniki's dad's 50th, a surprise, family doo-da, in which I went as part of the "Leung" family :P You know, one of those dinners where you are constantly referred to as so-and-so's son, rather than your own name...
Was pretty fun, a packed house and there were fun people there :D
Afterwards we adjourned to GJeans for some hot choc goodness, and to explain the middle pic, well, Wes was learning how to "buff" his nails - that's right, make his nails shiny. In a word? Wes was being HARDGAY... buahahhahahha...
stripes are hardgay...
and yes, we know it :S
No, not by any plan but coincidence, the four of us turned up to super-combined on Fri in super gay stripes... and here's the photographic evidence...
No, not by any plan but coincidence, the four of us turned up to super-combined on Fri in super gay stripes... and here's the photographic evidence...
I know, it's been AGES...
Since my last post!! Almost a week now!!
That just goes to show how much time I don't have, @ home or @ work!!
so in short, one of the highlights, was a mini-blogger meet... mini, being that ANGE forgot to let Deb Low know!! hehehe, that rhymes...
But to keep you ravenous public @ bay, here are some photos from that night to keep you going...
That just goes to show how much time I don't have, @ home or @ work!!
so in short, one of the highlights, was a mini-blogger meet... mini, being that ANGE forgot to let Deb Low know!! hehehe, that rhymes...
But to keep you ravenous public @ bay, here are some photos from that night to keep you going...
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By Your side
I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When Your face
Is before me
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son
I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for You Jesus or in awe of You be still
Will I stand in Your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine
Artist: MercyMe
What it will be like
When I walk
By Your side
I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When Your face
Is before me
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son
I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for You Jesus or in awe of You be still
Will I stand in Your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine
Artist: MercyMe
I can only imagine :)
What I love about Mikey's post today, is that he brought it back to Him, the only thing that really matters in this world, and he did it in his way.
I was with a very dear person tonight, and I selfishly began to burden them with emotional baggage I'd been lugging around... that person got up and left. I began to wonder, if I was really as good a person as I thought I was...
I've realised that there may be misunderstandings regarding certain facts about me moving out of my parents place, and other parts of the story, i.e. the part where I said that it was neither a terrible or great thing, ignored.
Facts of the matter:
I am living @ Leanne's place
I still very much love my family, and my family still love me
I still regard my parents as my parents, and honour them as such
If things go wrong, there is always a place at home, as recently assured by my parents themselves
Though I'm still working out my own character, I still maintain that my father is a great man, and respect him as such. If anything, moving out has taught me to appreciate my family and each person's specialness more. Sure, we disagree about sleeping patterns, but my father is still my father, and @ the end of the day, I wouldn't have it any other way.
For the time though, we all, and I say all, think that this living outside of home is something I need, and we're going to work this through as a family - and taking a page from mikey's post, and bringing it back to the source, working it through the grace of God, as really, a truly blessed family.
P.S. "To very dear person":
if you happen to somehow be reading this post... I'm sorry about tonight.
I was with a very dear person tonight, and I selfishly began to burden them with emotional baggage I'd been lugging around... that person got up and left. I began to wonder, if I was really as good a person as I thought I was...
I've realised that there may be misunderstandings regarding certain facts about me moving out of my parents place, and other parts of the story, i.e. the part where I said that it was neither a terrible or great thing, ignored.
Facts of the matter:
Though I'm still working out my own character, I still maintain that my father is a great man, and respect him as such. If anything, moving out has taught me to appreciate my family and each person's specialness more. Sure, we disagree about sleeping patterns, but my father is still my father, and @ the end of the day, I wouldn't have it any other way.
For the time though, we all, and I say all, think that this living outside of home is something I need, and we're going to work this through as a family - and taking a page from mikey's post, and bringing it back to the source, working it through the grace of God, as really, a truly blessed family.
P.S. "To very dear person":
if you happen to somehow be reading this post... I'm sorry about tonight.
Monday, October 03, 2005
gotta run but...
... there's a heap more stuff that needs to be blogged, and I WILL get around to it!
In the meantime, check out my photo album for more pics from the w/end :)
In the meantime, check out my photo album for more pics from the w/end :)
the w/end edition
The weekend!
Friday night @ cell was actually fun! *cough, cough*, of course est, it always is, *cough, cough*... but after going through the last love language, and with a special guest appearance from Elton, we ended up talking about all sorts of diabolical relationship case studies!! Spear fishing versus fly fishing! What do you do if your lure attracts more than one fish?! :D
Heaps of fun, keeping us imposing on May and Erwin's hospitality (which is ALWAYS awesome) until 1am or so, after which I met up with mikey, al & bibi @ our 'booth' (that's our booth I'm telling ya) outside the TAB, eventually leaving @... hmm... 2, I guess?
These pics were from Saturday though! After getting a MUCH needed sleep in, I went on a cruise with est, vee, karen, dik-siew,ypan and victor as a farewell for wai yin! For freeeeeeeeee :D
Hahaha... in the arvo it's a free cruise, where you only have to pay for anything you eat or drink... and whilst it was a bit slow for me and Victor's liking, and not all that picturesque, it was fun company nonetheless, and an excuse to take some happy snaps, aka Titanic! Why yes, I think I make a good kate winslet, and wai yin doesn't make a bad leo :D
Meanwhile Victor looks confused, as usual... after the cruise, me and Karen jumped ship to go to JumpStart (what a clever sentence! :o), which was fun again... which I won't say much about except to urge you to read to the very bottom for a special mention... no that doesn't mean SKIP down, it means READ your way there, you lazy bastards...
What to say about Sunday... well, not much except that it was a BEAUTIFUL day for a BBQ to celebrate the K-man's special day!
yes, Mikey and e-chinners seem to agree with that one too...
Without going over the top about it, I AM truly blessed in the abundance of friends I have :D
After starting this blog in a season of loneliness, and mentally resigning myself to a lifetime of staying @ home @ nights playing games, ever since that post, I found friends, a community, and my God. All of which conspire to keep me busy 7 days a week! And I love it, I'm having the time of my life :D
And FINALLY - I couldn't leave the w/end post without including THIS pic! Click on it, and look CAREFULLY...
Friday night @ cell was actually fun! *cough, cough*, of course est, it always is, *cough, cough*... but after going through the last love language, and with a special guest appearance from Elton, we ended up talking about all sorts of diabolical relationship case studies!! Spear fishing versus fly fishing! What do you do if your lure attracts more than one fish?! :D
Heaps of fun, keeping us imposing on May and Erwin's hospitality (which is ALWAYS awesome) until 1am or so, after which I met up with mikey, al & bibi @ our 'booth' (that's our booth I'm telling ya) outside the TAB, eventually leaving @... hmm... 2, I guess?
These pics were from Saturday though! After getting a MUCH needed sleep in, I went on a cruise with est, vee, karen, dik-siew,ypan and victor as a farewell for wai yin! For freeeeeeeeee :DHahaha... in the arvo it's a free cruise, where you only have to pay for anything you eat or drink... and whilst it was a bit slow for me and Victor's liking, and not all that picturesque, it was fun company nonetheless, and an excuse to take some happy snaps, aka Titanic! Why yes, I think I make a good kate winslet, and wai yin doesn't make a bad leo :D
Meanwhile Victor looks confused, as usual... after the cruise, me and Karen jumped ship to go to JumpStart (what a clever sentence! :o), which was fun again... which I won't say much about except to urge you to read to the very bottom for a special mention... no that doesn't mean SKIP down, it means READ your way there, you lazy bastards...
What to say about Sunday... well, not much except that it was a BEAUTIFUL day for a BBQ to celebrate the K-man's special day!
yes, Mikey and e-chinners seem to agree with that one too...
Without going over the top about it, I AM truly blessed in the abundance of friends I have :D
After starting this blog in a season of loneliness, and mentally resigning myself to a lifetime of staying @ home @ nights playing games, ever since that post, I found friends, a community, and my God. All of which conspire to keep me busy 7 days a week! And I love it, I'm having the time of my life :D
And FINALLY - I couldn't leave the w/end post without including THIS pic! Click on it, and look CAREFULLY...
the teaser from this w/end
Weirdly enough, for a blog that started out as mostly text, it's now turning out to be mostly pics :S
Took a heap of shots this w/end, some of which will make it up eventually, but till then, here's a sneak preview...
Note: You're right deb, this WAS a good shot :D
Took a heap of shots this w/end, some of which will make it up eventually, but till then, here's a sneak preview...
Note: You're right deb, this WAS a good shot :D
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